Tuesday, 17 July 2012

Mindset: Negative to Positive

(Note: This post is entirely my opinion and shouldn’t be taken as professional advice--I am by no means a professional!)

Normally my blog posts are all about crafting and material things.

Today I want to post about something completely different: attitude.

Kitty got 'tood

Specifically, turning negative into positive (and generally being the kind of person people want to be around--rather than the type people avidly avoid).

It’s very easy to be negative.
I was a very negative person for many years, including my years as an ‘emo teenager’!

But negativity isn’t good, not for yourself, or for your relationship with others.
People don’t like to hang out with negative people. I’m not talking of an old-fashioned snipe-fest with friends, but a general negative attitude.

I’m no expert in the psychology of the human mind, so all I can do is write from my own experiences of finding a more positive attitude.

What will be, will be.’

For me, this was a hard concept to process; it meant admitting that I cannot control everything and that sometimes, I have to deal with things I’d rather not deal with!

If you can do something about it, calm down and do it. If you can’t do anything, calm down because it is out of your hands.’

Granted it might be pretty hard to calm down if some massive drama is going on! Really, it’s about acceptance.
Basically, if something is out of my control, I can stress and rage all I like but the only impact will be on myself and those around me--and it will be negative!

Of course there is that age-old adage:

“If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”

…which is a fantastic piece of advice!

You might think, ‘But what if I’m asked an opinion and my opinion is negative?’

In which case, look for the positive.

A friend asks your opinion on a piece of art that you think sucks?
DON’T say: ‘It sucks! How is that even art?!’
DO say: ‘You know, I can see how much work has gone into that. It must have taken ages! I admire that people can sit down and spend so long creating in this way.’

Your sister has stepped out of the changing room asking ‘How do I look?’ but she looks (in your opinion) terrible?
DON’T say: ‘That looks awful, your bum looks huge! Hurry up and take it off before somebody sees.’
DO say: ‘That colour looks great on you, but have you thought of trying an A-line style to show off your tiny waist?’

How do I look?!

An acquaintance is telling you about a film you have no interest in, nor any intention of seeing--in fact you hate the lead actor with a fiery passion.
DON’T say: ‘I don’t care about films like that. The main actor does my head in, too!’
DO say: ‘It sounds like you really enjoyed it! Though it’s really not my kind of film, I can understand why people find it so engaging.’

A colleague tells you he loves Lady Gaga. You can’t stand Lady Gaga.
DON’T say: ‘I hate Lady Gaga. She’s a faker and her costumes look stupid.’
DO say: ‘She’s really rocked the world with her crazy visuals, hasn’t she! I don’t listen to her music, but the fact she can pull off all those mad outfits is pretty impressive.’

I’m not talking about doling out insincere compliments, because those are pretty transparent. Instead, I hope these examples help to illustrate how a negative opinion can be expressed in a more positive way. Doing so helps those around you to identify your opinions without being hurt by harsh or dismissive words!

Being positive is also about the small things, too.

It’s raining? Good, that’ll save watering the garden later.
Somebody ate the last KitKat? Oh well, it will save me the calories.
The last KitKat was yours? They can buy me two more to say sorry, muahaha!
You broke a nail? At least it wasn’t a bone.
You caught every single red light on your journey to work? Well, it will give you extra time to chill before joining the daily grind.
It’s going to make you late? Bad traffic is a perfectly reasonable excuse. Unless you work from home ;)
The favourite dish you always order at the restaurant is sold out? Great! That gives you the opportunity to try something completely new!

(This last one always happens to me!)

There are slightly bigger things that have happened that I could have been negative about, but I try to find the funny or positive side...

(It’s anecdote time!)
On holiday once, I was riding a horse along a sandy riverbank – one of those horse-riding-for-dummies things – and the horse, name of Millie, suddenly stopped. She ignored my encouragement for her to go and instead? Sat down.
Millie then proceeded to have a sand bath with me still in the saddle.
She then jumped up and ran off, leaving me sprawled across the sand like a fool.
I ended up with a huge bruise on my leg, but I found the whole thing hilarious!
The bruise became something to show off to friends for the period it was there, and I was glad it was just a bruise, not a break!
(Sidenote: the picture is not Millie!)

Admittedly, despite all the above I still have days where I feel the whole world is against me, but this definitely doesn’t happen as often as it used to!

It is hard to fight off the negative thoughts and feelings sometimes, after all nobody is superhuman! But keep at it.

Make positivity a habit.

If you're looking for crafts, I do have a few in the pipeline! Just a few more pics and some write-ups and I'll have things to share--what with the recent torrential rain I've been limited with space and natural light to take good pictures. But hey, at least the hose pipe ban has been lifted! :D


  1. This came at the prfect time.
    I was having quite a nice day. Bit of shopping, bit of cooking, bit of internetting. (is that a word?)
    Then work called to ask for a favor I wasn't prepared to grant. At all. It was a pishtake, really. So I said no and thought that's that.
    But then my mobile went off and I had to engage in a text marathon with a colleague who had been chosen to mellow me (against her will) and trick me into giving in.
    I was livid. So angry I could have, at some point, smashed my beloved phone against a wall.
    But then I kind of thought (in less words than this) Well, you just had this tiny little promotion and all of a sudden people bug you with things like this because you are not nobody anymore but a teensy weensy somebody- ish thing. And that girl who's texting you hates it as much as you do because she's being used as a front, a decoy, a scarecrow. Why not just say yeah, whatever and have a glass of wine? Which is exactly what I did. I got a nice compromise in the end and enjoyed that glass of wine. Plus I never smashed my phone. Kinda good, coming to think of it.

  2. Great post, Kei. I think this is so true and wish I would have learned it years ago. Oh well, at least I know now (see, it works, lol). When something crazy happens to my mom, she always says, "Well, at least now I have a story to tell". Something I try to keep in mind. Great post.


Reading all your sweet comments makes me happy! :) I appreciate each and every one and try to reply to all that I can!

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